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Summer of Schwarzenegger - "Kindergarten Cop" (1990)


Someone saw how funny Arnold was in Twins and said, "hey, this guy's funny enough on his own, let's just stick him in a comedy solo and see what happens!"

What happened is a pretty divisive flick that's actually a huge guilty pleasure.
This is another "Arnold meets [insert gimmick here]" comedy. Like the one where Danny DeVito is his twin. Or the one where he gets pregnant (we'll talk about that later.) This could be summed up as "Arnold meets a class of kids in kindergarten." That's all you need to know. Really. There's a plot. There's a reason why this undercover cop ends up teaching a bunch of toddlers. But really? It doesn't matter. Not one bit. You know what you've signed up for when you're watching a movie called Kindergarten fucking Cop

Although, to be fair, it could have been a movie about a kindergartener that's a cop. Like Cop and a Half. Remember Cop and a Half? No? Good. 

So, what else is there to say about this movie? All of my comments about Twins could be repeated here, basically. Except for the ones about DeVito, since, y'know, we won't see him again until Arnold gets knocked up (again, we'll talk about that later.) This is a pretty heartwarming, funny movie. It has a decent plot. The punchlines are pretty great. And the formula is simple in a way that works. Arnold hates kids, Arnold meets kids, Arnold loves kids. That's about it. Antics happen. Punchlines are delivered. There's nothing really to say here other than... oh... wait...

Arnold's fucking acting.


Seriously. Look at this glorious trainwreck.


Just look at it. 


If you couldn't tell by all of those clips, this is a movie where it feels Arnold let go and just said, "fuck it." Every scene, even dramatic ones that are supposed to be emotional, becomes downright laughable thanks to one the most hammy, absurd performances we've seen the guy give so far. At this point, we know the guy can act. We've seen him do it pretty decently. But here? We're treated to a non-stop barrage of over-the-top acting that can only be described as "intense." Or "overkill." Or maybe even "bad." Yeah, I went there.

Oddly, though, this adds to the charm of the movie, I'd say. The flick itself, by Twins director Ivan Reitman, is funny enough, and the basic conceit is charming in a sort of obvious, cloying way. But what really makes it memorable are bits like "it's naht a toomah" and "I'm da party poopuh." It's so hammy and laughable that... well, there, I said it right there. It's laughable... but in a good way!

So, yeah, Kindergarten Cop. This is one of the shortest pieces of this series I've written so far, and that's for good reason: I just don't have a ton to say. I do like this movie, so don't take the brief write-up as a knock against its quality. I really had a good time checking this one out again, and if you want a stupid comedy with some top-notch Arnold overacting, it's one of the better examples of that. 

Next Time: It's Terminator 2: Judgement Day, the movie that your friend ruined by quoting it incessantly!

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