Showing posts from June, 2015

Summer of Schwarzenegger - "Eraser" (1996)

Remember Vanessa Williams? What's she been up to lately? Like, it seems like she was everywhere in the 90's, and now, she's just... not around. I mean, I assume she does stuff, right? She's a pretty good actress, and I guess she's an okay singer. Some people say she is. I've never heard her sing. Or maybe I have. I'm not sure.

Anyway, here's a movie she was in.

Summer of Schwarzenegger - "Junior" (1994)

Look, let's get right into it. This is the movie where Arnold gets pregnant. In case, you know, you were under the mistaken impression that we lived in a just world or anything silly like that.

Review - "Batman: Arkham Knight" (PS4)

(For the purposes of this review, I will not be reviewing any of the retailer-exclusive or preorder DLC. While it's all very enjoyable, it could have easily been a part of the complete package, and I won't justify it with any more space than this blurb, on principle.

The Arkham series isn't that fresh anymore. When Arkham Asylum came out, it was a burst of creativity and a testament to how licensed games could actually work if done right. And when Arkham City was released, it took the established framework and used it to make one of the definitive open-world titles of the last generation of consoles. But now? Times have changed. Origins was very solid, but not exceptional, and Blackgate barely worth mentioning. The basic gameplay of the franchise has been aped so many times that it now feels tired. And grim, dark, brooding superheroes are becoming a bit passe. The times have changed since 2009.

For better or worse, Rocksteady has changed with them.

Summer of Schwarzenegger - "True Lies" (1994)

James Cameron is widely considered to be somewhat of a visionary. His movies take us back in time, transport us to different planets, and put us in the trenches of the war for humanity's future. Most of his movies have huge budgets, all of which get put towards explosive, in-your-face special effects and lavish set pieces, essential to fulfilling his directorial vision. All of this, and Cameron somehow finds time to explore the remnants of the Titanic, dive down inside the Mariana Trench, and get a frog named after him.

He also directed a movie where Arnold Schwarzenegger and Jamie Lee Curtis share a romantic kiss while a nuclear bomb explodes in the background.

A Special Thanks (And A Shameless Plug For My Steam Group)

Before I get back to reviewing, blogging, and finishing up Summer of Schwarzenegger, I thought I'd do a bit of a shameless plug... and give thanks.

E3 2015 Report Card

Continuing a tradition that I started last year, here's my hot, totally subjective take on who "won" E3, because that's totally a thing that can be concretely determined! 
Anyway. I'll be covering all the press conferences, except for PC, because nothing really special or new got announced. Oh, I mean, I guess that StarCraft beta. Neat. Moving on.

Straight To Video Review - "The Cobbler"

Adam Sandler does magical realism.

No, that's not a joke, that's the basic premise of The Cobbler.

Straight To Video Review - "Hot Tub Time Machine 2"

(Straight To Video Reviews are write-ups of new movies that I was too lazy to see in theaters!)

I went into Hot Tub Time Machine 2 braced for disappointment. It had all the telltale signs of a terrible sequel. A forced premise, the absence of a key character, and a whole flood of nasty reviews to confirm my suspicions. But hey, I had a free Redbox rental, so I figured, "why not?" Which, as it turns out, was a good idea, because this movie could have been a lot worse.

Summer of Schwarzenegger - "Last Action Hero" (1993)

When I watched Last Action Hero for the first time, a few years back, I thought it was bloody brilliant. An action movie that's totally self-aware? Not only that, but one that balances sentimentality and explosions? I was in love. And for some reason, I thought that this was a beloved classic that, somehow, I'd never seen until then.
And then I found out that it sort of bombed at the box office. "Huh," I said. "An underrated classic." Then I found out that critics took a raging dump on it. "Wait, what?"

Summer of Schwarzenegger - "Terminator 2: Judgement Day" (1991)


Summer of Schwarzenegger - "Kindergarten Cop" (1990)

Someone saw how funny Arnold was in Twins and said, "hey, this guy's funny enough on his own, let's just stick him in a comedy solo and see what happens!"

What happened is a pretty divisive flick that's actually a huge guilty pleasure.

Summer of Schwarzenegger - "Total Recall" (1990)

(I realize this post is a few days late; life got in the way, and I'm rushing to get these last three flicks in the bag. Apologies and such.)

In 1990, we didn't really know Arnold could be a lead in a good sci-fi movie. He was in Terminator and all, but in that, he was a cold-blooded killer robot hellbent on murdering the protagonist. Not exactly "charming leading man" material. That all changed when Total Recall hit theaters.

Summer of Schwarzenegger - "Twins" (1988)

Look, I had a whole piece planned for this movie, where I'd make jokes about how great Danny DeVito is in Always Sunny, and to watch that instead of this, and how Arnold comedies are hit-or-miss, and that this was awful, and blah blah blah. It was all there. Thing is? I've, um, never watched this movie until tonight. So, the premise sounded pretty dumb, and I didn't imagine it'd be even remotely decent, let alone funny. I had plans to tear this movie a new one. 
And now? Those plans are out the window, because I really had a great fucking time with Twins.

Summer of Schwarzenegger - "Red Heat" (1988)

Remember Jim Belushi? No? It's okay, the rest of the world doesn't either.